Logically challenged: The “delayed” iPhone 8

Bad news once again for Apple as the phone that they would normally announce next year is coming this year but late this year.

It’s really bad news.

Writing for Mic, Susmita Baral says “This could be the reason the iPhone 8 is delayed — and it spells trouble for Apple.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Daniel Foss.)

Apple’s much-hyped iPhone 8 is reportedly delayed.

“Much-hyped”?! By who? Not by Apple, that’s for sure. Only by pundits who have only a loose understanding of causality and the linear nature of time. Because the iPhone 8 is not “delayed”. For starters, products without ship dates cannot be “delayed”.

If the Macalope is licking a salt lick and one of the birds that hangs out on his back eating bugs all day says to another, “Hey, Gary. When do you think he’ll be done licking that salt lick?” And Gary says “I dunno, Ken. It’s pretty big. Maybe June?” and then it lasts until July, the finishing of the salt lick was not “delayed”. Gary was just wrong. Again.

Not to go too much into the Macalope’s personal life, but Gary is always doing this, hairback quarterbacking the Macalope. If he weren’t so good at eating bugs the Macalope would shrug Gary off into the nearest watering hole.

Ken’s OK. But kind of an instigator, you know?

According to Forbes…

Oh, well, if someone from the Forbes contributor network and fund-raising carwash so the glee club can go to regionals said it, then monkey trim the Christmas merkin!

…the public sale of the high-end device could be pushed back to the end of November 2017.

Apple will, of course, release an iPhone 7s around September as usual. Now, if those were to be announced in November, you might be excused for saying they were “delayed” since that would be off Apple’s normal schedule. But the iPhone 8, which would normally come out in the fall of 2018, being called “delayed” when it would still be announced 10 months ahead of schedule requires some sort of fan-jerking-tastic Jedi pundit trick the Macalope can’t even comprehend.

The reason for the delay appears to be Apple’s fingerprint sensor, the Verge noted.

There is a delay and there is a reason for this delay. The reason is this thing. And, shockingly, Apple may remove the thing in order to ship next year’s phone this year.

Apple rumors as such beautifully constructed sandcastles of assumption. It’s a shame they get washed away with each product announcement and we can never go back and reevaluate the logic of constructing such elaborate edifices with such weak material.

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